Well, we had another nice visit with the kids, outdoors in the playground again. It was a beautiful partly cloudy day here in Donetsk, with the high in the mid 60s, just a hint of fall in the air. Maksim and Ira seemed happy to see us, especially since we had more juice and food...but they mostly just looked happy to be outside. So happy in fact, they just wanted to run and run all over, which was bad because the colder weather made my back extra creaky and unable to keep up. The nurses had Vala in the open window of the infirmary again today and never let her join us, so I guess they think she's still on the mend from some virus or it was just too nippy out again for her. She even smiled a few times at us through the glass, which made me wish we could hug her in person. That said, we were kind of glad we didn't have to go into zone defense for 3 and could enjoy man-to-man coverage of her 2 energetic siblings.
So my question to parents is, what do you do when you tell a toddler to "come here" and they just keep running away? (I'm sure many of you are smiling at this). :) It's bad enough when one does it, but when both make it a game for 2.5 hours straight it makes for a tiring morning. It wouldn't be such an issue if we were in a smaller setting, but the playground is about the size of a small football field before they hit a fence. It's not the most kid-friendly place either IMHO. You have vehicles driving through the driveway in the middle of the playground all day, with the kids chasing after each one like rabid beagles barking "machina, machina"! Then there's the area by the open dumpster with broken glass all over the ground, and large feral dogs roaming in and out all the time. Can't wait to get the munchkins home where we'll at least have home field advantage and we can enjoy some sense of containment. But you call for them (in ways they understand) to "come over here", and they squeal with laughter and run off in the direction of danger going "nyet, nyet!" the whole way. I'm sure part of the issue is that although they call us "mama" and "papa", they say that to the cleaning ladies and garbage men as well, so we really don't have any major authority in their minds at this time. Bribes seem to work, so one strategy is to just crinkle the "goodie bag" or say "juice" or "cookie", and they'll descend on you like vultures. For airport containment (which is a big concern), leashes might be a fix, Idunno. I'm just kind of venting here, but any ideas from experienced parents would be appreciated. The language barrier is an issue I'm sure, but mostly it's a "terrible two" issue. That said, we did have fun playing with them whenever they did actually land from time to time, but it was tiring.
More news came from Serge today about their two other siblings that were discovered recently. One is an 8 year old girl, with whereabouts unknown, the other (no details on age/sex) is in another orphanage, but "unadoptable". So, it's really just an FYI that they have other siblings out there, and for the purposes of us adopting these 3 it's a non-issue (whew). Serge says they will be submitting some paperwork tomorrow, so the wheels of progress are still spinning right along, we'll keep you posted (pun intended).
Thanks again for all of you who are thinking about us and praying for us. It's easy to feel isolated and alone over here, and all of your emails and comments are like little lifelines that REALLY help us along.
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10 comments:
John and JoEllen,
You are probably snoozing right now...the kids have all left for the day and it is finally quiet. It's a beautiful thing. I am cracking up, visualizing your little ones running from you yelling "neyt".
John, I hope your back is feeling better. Good news...no rain is forcasted this week. Aren't you thankful for "Super Terry"?
I will continue praying for continued bonding with the kids. I personally think you should be a good sport and just adopt all five of them. (Just kidding!)
Take care and I look forward to reading tomorrow's blog.
By the way...I showed your pictures to some co-workers Friday...they were oohing all over the place.
:) Michelle
I did laugh when I saw your question - when you find out the answer, please let me know. Seriously, you will probably need leashes, along with a letter written in Russian that explains that you are first time parents adopting three toddlers at one time - most strangers will help you. Make sure that the kids have your cell phone number attached to the outside of their shirts or jackets, so if they get too far, someone can call you. They are testing you to see where your buttons are, and how to make your face turn that funny shade of purplish-red. Unfortunately, the play area doesn't give you many options - they could get hurt too easily. Unless things are different in four weeks, I vote leashes until you are home. Good luck! Nanci
J & J,
I love your question.
I would start working out now......jogging, jump rope etc... Self defense classes are helpful also! Power drinks are a must. Fenced yards make a great playpen. I have all kinds of helpful ideas, I'll share more later.
We want to see more pictures of you, Jo and the kids.
Hope you're feeling better. Keep up the good work.
(Somebody cut your yard, I think it may of been a neighbor.)
Terry
Bribes and distractions are going to have to do for now until you get back home or at least until you have full custody. Command words in their language - stop, come, sit, stay (basic German Shepherd is what Love and Logic call it) Can you rent a double stroller at the airport? (or a triple?) Most of us have entered at the shallow end, you guys just jumped into the deep end all at once. :) Tracy
I agree with Tracy...some of what you need to do will have to wait until you are able to set firmer boundaries. In the meantime, bribes do work well. I remember with Stasia we used a lot of small pieces of candy like fruit snacks, to get her to do what we needed while we were still in process. Also, having your cell phone number on a wristband is a good idea. I'll never forget my first trip to Hy-Vee and as I was transferring the groceries, Stasia ran one way and Evan the other...both laughing and not stopping no matter how much I yelled! I sent Stephen one way, Alisha the other and luckily had some other adults step in to help! I'm sure there were many people rolling their eyes at such "undisciplined" kids! There is a book called, "And Then I Had Kids.." which helps normalize all of the things that you thought you would NEVER do! I also know that when we brought the kids home, the airline personnel were very helpful...so you may try to let them know that you are travelling with three. Is there any possibility of someone flying over to help with the return flight? Also...Tim and I had 3-4 days "on our own" after the adoption was finalized before we had to travel home which really helped the kids learn a little about the boundaries. Although, I'm sure you all remember it took a LONG time for Evan to learn to acquiese to the "authority" in his life! We'll keep praying and trusting that with time things will get better. Karen
ANSWER: Benadryl-such a wonderful invention. Ha-ha, I'm kidding. Actually per their viewpoint, the 'game' IS for you to chase them. Word of Wisdom: No chasee, no runnee awayeee. Then when they least suspect it...GRAB 'EM, hug them and make them laugh.
They have no sense of your aches & pains, all they know is that they like you and that they want to be chased by you, and eventually caught.
We might have some old Jane Fonda exercise VHS tapes you can borrow to strengthen and tone....sounds like you are going to need it, (or are they Jack Lalane? Hmm I can't righly recall.)
I'd check w/ the adoption people to see if they can help you get everyone loaded onto the plane. After take off...where can they go?
I'm loving reading every minute of it. It is cool to see you two changing before our very eyes. You will depart Ukraine as two very different people than the ones who arrived.
As one very wise blue and yellow fish (voiced by Ellen Degeneres) once said, "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."
David
You guys are so brave and amazing to do this. I do remember those days believe it or not. Me alone getting Andy out of his car seat. Marty running down the middle of the street. Makes me laugh to think of it. Not funny then. I think you have gotten some great advice. Anything you can do to make them safe..containment in the airport is a great idea. John and Kate use the rings but you may need something more since they really don't know their boundaries with you yet. People around will help I am sure. Remember You and John are a team..You can do it!
Love
TnT
OK...first off, I DO love your question ;-). Even though I am the mother of three small children (almost 4!) about your kids ages, I still have the same problem, and we don't have a language barrier to contend with! I have found that setting up rules BEFORE we do anything seems to yield the best results. I tell the kids what we are doing before we do it & tell them my expectations ahead of time. ex: "We are going to the grocery store for 3 things...and 3 things ONLY...mommy expects you to help me out by staying right by my cart". Of course, this not fool proof, but kids do respond well to boundaries & this plan of action has helped me gain a little control in the long run. Chandler was my "runner" and I ended up having to restrain him in a stroller or cart most of the time for his own safety.
For now I think it's OK to continue the bribes, but try to make a big deal when they do respond appropriately to your commands. I second the vote for a double stroller if you can find one. Bring plenty of snacks and bribes for the trip home & don't worry about being in "survival" mode. Most of this stuff will take lots of time, and a boat load of patience to get through, but you will get there.
Oh, and stock up on coffee and plenty of "energy" drinks for yourself-LOL! As a mommy of three little ones I'm not afraid to admit that I run on caffeine most days!
Late comment- I think the fenced yard is a good idea as well when you get home. Considering there are three of them and two of you, Dallas and I were joking you might want to get a Border Collie or some other herding dog to make it even again!
John And JoEllen,
Having raised four children and helping with elen grandchildren, "No, I didn't smile, I laughed until I cried." This is some of the best reading I have had for some time!!
You've already gotten some good advice and comments so I won't add any of that.
The little ones are adorable and you do already look like (and act like) a regular family. We are praying for you as you continue this exciting journey that God is allowing you to follow.
We Love You!!
Mom & Dad
Romans 8:28
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